Acute CAT-atonia

Weekends are relaxation no more. It’s not the best feeling to forgo the friday/saturday booze party with the guys. But as they say, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Weekends mean studying on Saturday(though I haven’t really been doing much of that). Weekends mean Sunday Morning Mock. It has more or less become a habit over the past couple of months. Yes.. habit. Now that’s a scary thought. You don’t want anything to do with CAT become a habit. It just might mean the monotony starts eclipsing the nimbleness. And I have been guilty of that very often. That really gives me the heebie-jeebies. I am talking about that spell of boredom that creeps in right in the middle of those 150 minutes, in which you have to rev up the mental machinery to perform at its optimum, if not better. I have always been the day-dreamer who just looks out of the window to see the very same leaf of the very same tree rustle in the very same way hour after hour, while sitting on the study-table. It’s a hard habit to kick. Though I must agree that I have worked on it and things are better. But are they good enough?? Ah.. the question of ‘good enough’. I have lost count of the times when I think that, well ok, I have done/achieved X; but is this good enough?? Let’s face it. I have pitted myself against the best brains/most industrious souls in the country that boasts of arguably the highest grey-matter reserves(yes, I do talk of it as a commodity. We’ll get into more of this some other time). And I don’t really have to get into the competitiveness of the exam. The odds are depressing, to say the least.

Getting back to the issue of boredom. It strikes at the very time when it shouldn’t: when I probably haven’t started off too well. Where I should be attacking the paper more feverishly. On the one hand, I want to take as many mocks as possible; as the age old adage goes, there’s nothing like match practice. On the other, I am worried if I am taking it too far by taking two mocks per week. I feel the need to do it since the only real bit of studying I end up doing is analyzing the paper. Hence, my effort/week is getting doubled, though it should be ten-fold now.
Another thing that really matters is, how you feel on that day; two minutes ahead of the gun-shot. On some days I just know that it’s going to be a wasted exercise. And voila... a new low, in terms of percentiles, is, successfully, hit.

I really should stop talking about this stuff now. I am suffering from acute CATatonia!!( a kind of schizophrenic disorder) Happy thoughts Ankit….

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity…
[Courtesy – Anger Management]