Motor(quadra)cycle Diaries – The prelude

The choice of the title is not intended as a smart-ass pun(only…); it is the best description for a Maruti 800 as compared to the new generation cars. What else, other than a label as belittling as a cycle, could be more apt for a car that lacks even a power steering and power breaks in this age. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. Maybe we Indians have a special attachment for it. Maybe that’s the reason people still buy it, though a few more thousands can facilitate a more comfortable driving experience. I choose to brag about this beauty – one that still constitutes a high percentage of The Chaotic Indian Traffic – because she has performed exceedingly well under trying conditions. I may not know much about car maintenance yet (probably why she makes my life easy) but I know she’s here to stay.
I am compelled to write this after a road trip to from Bangalore to Pune, and back; all of 1800 Kms completed within two days and two nights. That it was maniacal, I would vouchsafe and my parents would testify; they did give me a hard time for doing this. I don’t blame them; their progeny-safety alarms had gone haywire when I called them and very coolly said. “Guess where I am. In Pune. We drove all night…” [cling cling clang]. I’ll save you the dirty details.

This is how it started:
A: “Crazy traffic... aargh! We may not make it on time”
B: “Hmmm”
P: “So B.. what if you miss the train”
A [matter-of-factly]: ”What’s there… Will drop him to Bombay”
B: “Yes yes… let’s do it man”
A: “Yeah sure… We are talking 950 kms here… That too over the weekend; to and fro… Shut up and start praying that we reach on time”
B: “Dude… I am serious… It’ll be awesome”
B [Praying]: “I hope we don't make it on time... God please pleeaassee”
P: “Wazzzzzaaaaa”
[tee teeent] sms from U: “Kahaan ho??”
B: “Gaadi mein…. Duhhh”
B: “Abe chal yaar… C and Ak will be ever-ready… you just gotta say yes”
A: “Sup….”
P: “WAZZZZZZZZZAAAAAA”
B: “WAAAAAAAAAAAAZZAAAA”
A: “WAAAAAZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAA”
K: [Bewildered, confused, obfuscated… should I reach for the thesaurus now]
[tee teeent] sms from U: “Kab pahunchoge… train nikal jaegi”
A, B & P[in unison]: “HAHAHAH.. WAAAAAZZZZZAAAAAAAAA”
K: [Befuddled, flabbergasted, lost; I did reach for the thesaurus]
A: [Expletives galore at the sight of a broken down truck in the middle of the road – the cause of the traffic jam]
A: “I think we’re gonna make it on time. B, what say… you wanna catch it?”
B: “Are you crazy… we doin this man!!”
A: “Yes we are…”
K: [Shake of the head] “Tch tch… you guys serious?”
K: [Back to: astonished, baffled, confounded]
P: “Wazzzzaaaaaa”
[tee teeent] sms from U: “Jaldi aao…”
We pull up in front of the station. B gets off with his luggage; U had been looking at her watch every split second. In the meantime she had finished reconnaissance and pinpointed the coach and the berth.
U: “Chalo jaldi karo.. choot jaegi”
B: “Huh.. so??”
A: “Yeah.. so???”
P: “WAAAZZZZZZZZAAAA”
U: [ Bewildered, confused, obfuscated, Befuddled, flabbergasted, lost, astonished, baffled, confounded… all at once]
Enter C and Ch.
Plan briefly blurted out; Ch nodding; C neighing
C: “Abbe yaar trip safal ho gayi!! Let’s do this... I am calling Ak, he’ll surely come”
Poooooonn.. Chugg chug…
P: “C’mon guys, lets do some drama…”
[Authoritative tone] “B get on the train… A and C start running… B, get pulled down from the train”
A, B & C too excited to do anything; P pouting and sulking
P: “You guys are useless…”
U: “You guys are out of your heads”
A, B, C and P[in unison]: “WAAAAZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAA”